Apologies

Pardon my silence
(if anyone noticed at all).

I haven't been busy, as the normal excuse is.
I have, but you know - that's not it.

At the mo, I have nothing worthy to say to the world.
So there.
My apologies.

TE2: Day 3

When I arrived at school this morning, the first thing I noticed was that Lost for Word, the book that Mrs R had been reading to the class, was on my desk. I wondered what it was doing there, but I did not touch it because I thought Mrs R had put it there for some reason. Turned out, Mrs R had meant for me to read it before class started. She's wanted me to take the Teacher Reading period. She thought it'd be helpful if I had a read beforehand.

So after morning tea, Mrs R set the class and helped the children get settled down. Then she informed the children that Ms Johan will be reading to them. They can listen, or they can choose to finish off some work while listening.

Right-o. This is it. More than 2 dozen pairs of eyes set on me. This was going to be my first act as a teacher-presence - the children were more than curious. They were giving me quite an intense scrutiny. Truth be told, I had read the chapter I was going to read like Mrs R said, but I did not give it too much thought. Mrs R had modelled it yesterday, and it looked very easy, like it just flowed. Now as I was taking my seat at the front of the class, all those theories came rushing into my head. Get the learners' attention... Activate their prior learning... In the space of probably one second, I finally completed my subconscious analysis of what Mrs R was actually doing when she was reading. I recalled that yesterday before she started, Mrs R had asked the students if they could remember what happened in the preceding chapter. So I decided to do the same thing.

Now, with Mrs R, because the children were used to her, they listened while they worked. But because I was a novelty, some of them were practically unblinking as the looked at me. So some of them answered my prompts, and they helped me establish the story up to that point. Then I started reading. And read and read. When Mrs R had done it, she had paused at strategic moments and invited the students to predict what would happen, so I thought I'd give that a try. But what a disaster that turned out to be. I had no idea how to lead students to the answer that I sought, and so none of their predictions turned out to be very accurate. And so I read on.

Then we came across a character that the author was describing. It was obvious that the author did not favour this character. He was "pale" and it was as if "he was hiding in a corner", to cite just a couple of examples. I remember that the children were doing a unit on narrative writing, and among their foci were setting and, wait for it, characterisation. I thought this was an excellent opportunity to hammer in how important these little aspects are to a narrative. So I tried to coax them into making the link between how he is described, to how the other characters reacted to him based on the descriptions, to how that makes the reader feel. It was even more disastrous that my last attempt. The character was portrayed as being pathetic and wimpy; the children said Aysha (the main character) is probably afraid of him - by virtue of him being her teacher. By the end of the chapter, when I asked the children what would they have done had they been in Aysha's shoes, all I got were cricket tunes. Mrs R took pity on me and continued my train of questioning - but obviously she was way more successful at leading the children to the right answers.

Before I left, she told that I was pretty good for a first try, and I could see it in her eyes that there was genuine pleasure. She said it was good that I asked questions and made them think about the story so far, that I did something to catch their attention. The truth was, well, it was totally her. I was doing it exactly as I saw her doing it, only, you know, in my less-than-perfect way. But nontheless, that genuine pleasure on a teacher's face - that was priceless. She might not fully realise it, but she made my day.

TE2: Day 2

Assessment:

• For some subjects, AT conducts weekly tests. AT then had the students chart their performance at back of book. Through this way:

1. AT does not have to spend time analysing students' performance since the students have done that;
2. students are made aware of their current level, their progress, and what they should be working towards;
3. students' motivation is maintained as they can feel a sense of purpose and achievement in their work;
4. parents are also indirectly informed of their children's performance at school.

• Students are asked to write in a journal every few weeks or so (usually at the end of units and end of terms) as part of their own reflective practice. Students are to write about:

1. highlights (or low points) of their term;
2. short and long term goals;
3. ways of achieving that goals;
4. their progress through the creative writing unit that they've been doing this term (they are asked to reflectively compare their starting and their current levels).

• AT starts a new unit with diagnostic testing. Students are asked to answer 3 questions pertaining to what, when, why in their book after jotting down their WALTs. AT stresses that it is okay to not know the answers since that was the point of learning.
  

Modelling book:

Huge books allocated to each subject. Teachers are supposed to replace using the board with using the modelling books. The rationale was that once the board was rubbed, the students would have no reference point. By using the modelling books, the class is left with class notes that students can refer back to if they needed to. When teaching writing or vocabulary etc., modelling book is also perfect for collecting students' brainstorming ideas that can be shared with all.

TE2: Day 1

They say it's important to make a good first impression - I do not know if arriving 1 hour early achieves that. And anyway, I was so nerve-wrecked I didn't have the manners to introduce myself to the principal even after he'd introduced himself. Note to self: Work on confidence. It was only I who let myself be daunted. I must not do it again.

AT (Associate Teacher) did class role. Was a routine with the class. The kids had it all figured out. AT will say, "Good morning, ," and student would reply, "Good morning Mrs R. My weekend sports update was..." because that was the topic AT had chosen. AT had made it clear before calling out the names what she expected of the students: This routine helps to:

1. consolidate rapport as AT is allowed snippets into the children's lives
2. ease the students into school mode after the weekend. This is evident as before she did the role call, AT had to wait for students to settle down (by pausing and saying, "Waiting..." in a semi-imperious tone).
   

AT had her relief day today, so after roll call, she was replaced by Ms D. Ms D had wrongly assumed I was a new entrant (possibly an illiterate migrant). After the mix-up at the beginning, I thought it was best if I kept out of Ms D's way. So I sat there in my corner quietly. Unfortunately, I'd become used to 50-minute lectures and gaps. Having to sit in the classroom felt endless, like an eternity. And Ms D had less success at controlling the kids than Mrs R, and they began to talk among themselves, laugh, made funny faces, told jokes and even throw stuff around and pretty soon their ceaseless girlish chatter and giggles began to pound into the back of my head like a huge, incessant hammer. I wish the day was over - at half past 9, it had hardly begun.

Obviously because Ms D was a relief teacher (RT) she had nothing established with the kids, and understandably her classroom management was less impressive than the AT. In saying that, I don't mean that I would've been any better, but I was there to observe and to make notes of what I should and should not do. And what Ms D could have done better were perhaps:

1. Give clear instructions and ask students to repeat that in Kidspeak.
2. Give a time limit to each task. Ms D allowed them all the time in the world - and so while they were not off-task, they were really taking their own sweet time.
3. In trying to establish norms and expectation, use positive, inclusive statements. Instead of, e.g., "In my class, I do not like a lot of noise so keep the noise level down," try "In our classroom, we try to keep the noise level down so that everyone can work comfortably."
4. Be firm. Do not make empty threats. The kids literally shrugged them off.

Anyway, after tea-break, Mrs R saw a use for me - to mark the children's work from the morning. Mrs R saw that it was a good opportunity to show me the practical side of all those lectures on formative feedback (i.e. you must give feedback; word it positively with suggestions for improvements; and students should be required to do something with the feedback). Here are a few things I learned about feedback:

1. It's really hard to give feedback. AT says it helps if you know the learners because you would be able to see their improvements.
2. Pick a scope and stick with it. You can't correct spelling, grammar, sentence structure, etc. etc. all in one go - the book would be so full of red it would just demotivate students. It's really tempting to try and correct everything.
   
3. Research says that extrinsic motivation may kill intrinsic motivation, but AT says the students like it. AT puts little stickers in the girls' books, and they ask for the stickers if they were missing.

Aku mahu persetankan semua

Aku mahu bersantai
dalam buaian di celah-celah pohon nyiur.
Bayu laut, sayup-sayup masinnya, mengusap tualang imaginasi.
Dan deru ombak perlahan-lahan
melenakan aku.

Dalam dunia yang tanpa waktu
konsep seperti subuh dan senja tidak wujud.
Tika mana aku tidur, itulah malamku.
Pabila aku terjaga, itulah siang
yang semuanya untuk dibazirkan.

Sungguh aku mahu
persetankan realiti.
Persetankan janji-janji yang dibuat mereka-mereka itu
atas namaku.
Persetankan.
Biar tinggal hanya aku dan langit dan pasir.

Didn't I tell you you're supposed to be doing your assignment?

What a small world

This trimester I'm taking a paper called Children's Literature. Fun paper. Right now we are reading C. S. Lewis's The Narnia Chronicles. And I was just sitting there in the lecture thinking, why, it's fantasy, much like Edding's and Tolkien's works, although the latter two's books are not meant for children. And then suddenly the lecturer said Tolkien's name.

Turns out Tolkien and Lewis were buddies. Hey, what about that, eh? Apparently, they were part of this literary group called The Inkling, and they would meet on Tuesdays over coffee ("...and beer, no doubt," said my tutor) to discuss their work. Quite a few big literary names were part of this group (and if I had paid more attention I could probably name them). And so I was thinking, wow, what a small world we live in. All these brilliant heads actually knew each other and influenced each others' works.

Then one day the lecturer mentioned Elizabeth Anscombe. You see, Lewis was a devout Christian convert (he was an atheist earlier in life - and apparently Tolkien was absolutely instrumental in his conversion). He was president of the Socratic Club, and this club used to invite scholars to their meetings to discuss and debate issues on/about/around/regarding Christianity. Lewis was quite good at what he did, week after week defeating people of the opposition with his eloquence and sheer conviction. Until Elizabeth Anscombe.

Elizabeth Anscombe - from Wiki

Elizabeth was a young non-Christian (I can't actually remember if she was an atheist) and an up-and-coming scholar during Lewis's time. As such, she was invited to this meeting. In this particular meeting, Lewis attempted to prove that Christianity (or maybe religion?) was logical, and guess what, Elizabeth technically shredded him to pieces. Apparently, it wasn't just a defeat - it was a most humiliating defeat.

Anyhow, all was not lost. Apparently, lucky for us Elizabeth won that debate: it is said that this episode really humbled him and made him rethink his conviction. He accepted that you can't explain Christianity through logic, and so he turned to fantasy. Hence the Narnia Chronicles. Although he denied writing the Narnia books with any Christian motivation, so to speak, many Lewis/Narnia scholars like to believe that at least subconsciously that was the driving force.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was this: funny how small the world is. I was just researching stuff for my Linguistics assignment, and there she was again. Elizabeth Anscombe. Apparently her logic was so logical that Searle (only the grandfather of speech act theory) does not think any other example would explain "the direction of fit between word and world" quite so logically. I was so amused I just totally stopped doing my assignment in order to blog. And now I'm mentioning Elizabeth Anscombe - am I making the world smaller still?

Don't mind me - I'm just being emotional at the mo

I have often thought about this. I have often sat and pondered, for a long while, what it is I should do. And I haven't come up with many answers. Any of the suggestions I came up with have always been met with many a shortcomings. All of these shortcomings stem from one thing: the fact that I hate having to interact with other humans.

No, I do not hate human interactions. I only hate them when they do not go my way.

In any type of interaction at all, we'd have giving and taking. In talking to a person, I offer to that person an interaction with me: it depends on that person whether or not to accept the gift I have offered. And while, most of the time, I am perfectly sincere and do not wish for anything in return, I would be very happy if that person returned my favour in kind. That is, I wish that person would give me an interaction, one which I would accept.

That would be a best-case scenario, when all is nice and well. But what happens when I want something from somebody, but that somebody is not voluntarily offering it to me? I'd have to ask. Now, that is actually the heart of the issue at hand. I absolutely, most definitely hate asking somebody for something. I do not know if I've explained this to you before, but I have this ginormous ego that makes me feel small and inadequate every time I ask something from anyone. And when they say no, the humiliation and frustration are almost too much to handle. Thus, having to ask for something, is a hateful thing for me.

Now, sometimes if you ask for something nicely, they'd give you whatever it is that you wanted. But what happens if they didn't? It's a dreadful thing to even think of - but some people would beg.

Worse than that, some people actually expect you to beg them.

Now, there are people in this world who never give anything and just take and take and take. These people, if you did not yield those things that they wanted, would wrench the thing from your very grasp, would steal away the thing, would do anything at all except ask and beg, and yet in the end it would be theirs, whatever it was that they wanted. I think robbers, tyrants and murderers would belong to this group, don't you think?

And yet, as bad as they sound, sometimes I wish I could just be like them. To be free to take anything you like without having to ask, without worrying of the consequences - why, that must be a content sort of existence. None of these politics of interaction. None of having to pretend to be nice to people to get what you want. None of having to stand people who pretend to be nice to you just because you have something that they want.

I know I'm not the nicest, most pleasant lass - if anything, in fact, I'm a horrible person - but as horrible as I am I've had it with being civil with people. I wish I could just make people do what I want - and that's that, end of story.

School's out... and so is the sun!

Nothing beats Wellington on a bright, sunny day.

How DO you teach grammar?

Lock-step is when your teacher teaches, and you listen. The whole chalk and board thing, that's lock-step. It's called such because like a marching squad, we expect uniformity, with the teacher as the squad leader shouting orders, and the students as those who are expected to move as a body, together, with no room for individual creativity or the likes.

And in the professional and academic view of teaching these days, lock-step is a total no-no.

And I'd agree. Of course I would. When from my own experience, the lock-step method of drilling grammar into my head did not really help me learn grammar. Most of the time, I'd be so confused by the rules my teacher had outlined that I would have no idea what to do with them. Now, in class, we are told about extensive reading, and how students would learn tremendously from extensive reading activities.

Extensive reading is, perhaps, exactly how I learned English and grammar. Extensive reading is when you read an authentic material (i.e. written for the native speakers) without any aim except to understand what it means, and to enjoy it. Reading, not to advance your language skills, but for the sheer pleasure of it. Which is what I did, after years of prodding from my mother, and really good influence of my friends.

Among the first few books I read.

Lock-step is a total no-no. But does that mean my teachers have wasted their time and effort in teaching me grammar, if you say that the lock-step is a total no-no?

Somehow, despite my misgivings of the lock-step method, I would not totally dismiss it. I think that if my teachers had not drilled the grammar into my head, I would have no basis whatsoever to enable me to read those books that I read. However little, those teachers and their lock-step method contributed towards my understanding of, and the ability to use, grammar.

I am really in a limbo now. For my micro-teaching report, I am to submit a lesson plan for a whole unit, even though I only trialled a small part of it. For my micro-teaching session, I did a post-task activity: by this I mean I have taught grammar (relative and superlative terms) in a previous class, and now the students are doing MFI/MFO (meaning focus input/out) activities which allow them to practise using the two types of words, and to develop fluency. All very fine there. But now I have to submit the whole lesson plan, and I have no idea how I taught them that. I didn't ask my lecturer directly, but I got the feeling that if I said I used the lock-step method to drill them with the grammar before moving on to using student-centered approaches in my teaching, I would get a bad grade. And I hate bad grades.

I'm also thinking about the future. I think my grammar's quite okay now. Even if haven't nailed each and every one of them, my grammar's functional. I'm able to communicate without too much misunderstanding, and without embarrassing myself too much. I'm quite happy where I am.

But I'm worried about my future students. What would I do with them? When I think about all these wonderful new pedagogic researches and findings, I'm excited. I'm excited because, back when I was a student, I wouldn't even dream of having such things happening in my classrooms. Now I'm supposed to do it with my students.

Or am I?

With the Malaysian education system still geared towards, and therefore restricted by, the exam-oriented curriculum, how am I supposed to not teach things the lock-step way? How am I supposed to allow my students to embark on a journey of discovery by themselves? How am I supposed to tell them to read for pleasure when they're burdened by impending tests? How am I supposed to tell them, stop studying and just read a novel for the heck of it, when the upcoming national exam might just decide the course of their life, for the rest of their lives? How am I supposed to?